How do you like your Muzak? / Joyce Bingham

 

                                             


I prefer the quiet peace of normality at home when I am writing, the bird song, children playing in the garden, the odd car rolling past, all inspire me and keep me typing. In cafes I adore the buzz of human companionship and the grinding of coffee beans and the chug and gurgle of baristas hard at work. Many writers I know compile music tracks to complement their latest project. I have tried a playlist but I start listening to the music, often playing air guitar or conducting the orchestra with a pencil and wasting writing time, although admittedly having a great time.

Sounds are not always my friend; I find myself prone to my brain hooking onto repetitive irritant noises. I have been known to seek out and neutralise ticky watches and clocks in my home or in hotel rooms and friends’ spare bedrooms. There’s been a lot of amusement when that heirloom clock from Auntie Jean is propped up the hall way in the morning and I emerge bleary eyed and lacking in sleep. It’s that rhythmic constant that drills into my brain and pounds away at my synapses.

And I can’t stand Muzak. The elevator of hell music, that has emerged into hallways and corridors and atriums and cafes. Perhaps originally the vibes from the actual group, Muzak gave everyone a good feeling, so much so that their soothing, inspiring background music made the world a better place.

Now the Muzak can be tinkly and vibrates with the ear irritating tick noise. Could it be produced by AI? Is this the intention of these AI programs to give us such a headache from the irritating vibes that we stop producing art?

Tell me why we need it? Are we likely to riot in the elevator, the café or the marble halls of indoor shopping centres? Originally it was to calm the nerves of those apprehensive about travelling in elevators and to relive their boredom.

Some say it makes shoppers buy more, but recently some shops have given up piped music, so it can’t be that profitable to play it. There is the campaign for the removal of piped music, read all about it here.

Pipedown 

What about noise reducing earplugs and headphones I hear you cry. Not quite so good, often they take away other sounds leaving the dreaded ticky beat. What is much better is the app, ‘A Soft Murmur’

A Soft Murmur

Which can replace the irritant Muzak with gentle rain, coffee shop noises, white noise. My preferred one is incessant rain with the odd sound of thunder in the background. Although it always makes me think it’s raining outside, until I look out of the window.

I’d much rather have human noises and the coffee machines. I don’t need to be calmed and soothed.

Why not just switch the Muzak off.

 Photograph: Joyce Bingham,  Hot chocolate in a cafe without Muzak.

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